Well, now that we’ve officially introduced Flathead and SadEyes, it’s time to tell the New Year’s story – Part Deux. ;] (You can read Part One here.)
So, Jacqueline and I woke up the next morning in about the same positions we’d fallen asleep in—SadEyes was still sprawled out in the middle of the futon; we’re crouched on the edges, trying our hardest not to roll off.
As I sat up, every muscle in my body ached. Note to self: No more sleeping on futons that are almost as old as I am. And another note: No more SadEyes at sleepovers.
Jacqueline and I staggered upstairs; SadEyes followed behind, well-rested and alert—I think she had woken up at least a couple hours before us. I perused my kitchen cupboards and drawers to find us something for breakfast, and Jacqueline and SadEyes leaned against the island, watching and talking.
“You know what we should do?” Jacqueline ventured. “We should prank call someone. We should prank call everyone.”
I grabbed some granola bars, and we hurried over to the living room. Our friends had our cell numbers, so we decided to use my home phone. We picked our first victim: Emerald.
I’m going to have to digress a bit, and branch out into a mini-background story. Emerald was pretty, insecure, athletic and a little mean. We were rather good friends, though, so we joked around with her a lot. It might’ve been because she played a lot of tennis, but everything about her seemed… big. Most noticeably, though, were her hands. One day, we started calling her hands “Beefy Wads of Doom”. I can’t remember the details of where the joke came from—probably birthed from a lengthy conversation between Jacqueline and I. Anyway, we thought that “saying” was the most hilarious thing ever. I mean, seriously, say it aloud. It’s ridiculous.
Alright, back to New Year’s. We’ve decided to call Emerald, but haven’t decided on what to say when she picks up the phone. Through consensus and being reminded of it from the mention of Emerald’s name, we decide the prank-er will simply grunt “Beefy Wads of Doom” and hang up—the humor being in imagining how freaked and confused the prank-ee will be afterwards.
We call Emerald, and, after her, a series of three or four more friends, alternating the phone between us. Then we get to Flathead and it’s Jacqueline’s turn. We dialed his number—all suppressing giggles—and Jacqueline sat, phone pressed to her ear, anxiously waiting for him to pick up.
Suddenly, a startled look came on to her face and she said, “Yes, hi, I’m calling for Flathead.” Pause. “This is…Julie.”
I could hear the voice on the phone say, “Oh, okay, I just wanted to make sure if you were calling for my son or my husband…” [Apparently, they have the same name.] Then she yelled, “Flathead! Phone!”
We hear Flathead ask, “Who is it?”
His mom replies, “Julie.”
Flathead’s perplexed. “Julie?” He takes the phone. “Hello?”
“BEEFY WADS OF DOOM!” As Jacqueline hits the end button, all three of us burst out in hysterical laughter.
We’re still laughing when my cell phone rings. I pick it up and see Flathead’s calling. We all compose ourselves and I answer.
“Summer! I just had the weirdest thing happen to me! This girl named Julie called me, yelled something, and hung up! I don’t even know a Julie! How’d she get my number?!” Flathead exclaimed.
“Wow!” I tried to be as convincing as possible. “That is so weird! I don’t know… that’s just strange!”
“I know! Has anyone called you?”
“Um…not yet. Maybe they will. I’ll call you, if they do. What’d she say to you?”
“I don’t know. I couldn’t really make it out. I think she said “I love you” or something.”
“Oh, that’s freaky! Haha, you have a stalker named Julie.”
“It is! It’s creepy! Man, I’m really freaked out right now. I mean, I’ve only given my number to you and a couple other people!”
After Flathead calmed down from the peak of his worry and I hung up, we all burst out in hysterical laughter yet again. A few minutes later, I called him back.
“Flathead! Oh my God, someone just called us, too!”
“What?! Really?!”
“Yeah! This is really weird! How did someone get all our numbers?”
“I don’t know! Do you even know a Julie?!”
“No!”
“Neither do I!”
“I guess we have a new stalker…”
To this day, Flathead still thinks there’s a girl named Julie out there, with his phone number, that’s stalking him. …That might have something to do with certain letters that were sent…But we’ll have to go into that story some other time. :]
Too much Flathead in one day will make your head explode, so beware!
